LONG TIME NO POST..I am well aware..and I confess it is not due to lack of content to write..oh that boy of mine gives me plenty on a minute by minute basis. Life , my growing resentment towards the lack of services available to help the boy, working through my own BS and did I mention LIFE have put the kibosh on contributing to this site ..although I do have a second blog that is concentrated on me in my life other than being the Maniacal Maven to my son’s Captain Happy..long live Captain Happy. So buckle up kids this might be a long one..oh and one more thing…I feel the need to place this disclaimer: I do not edit my writing on this blog..whatever verbal diarrhea comes to mind filters through my fingers here for your reading (enjoyment?)
The thing is the boy is no longer a boy ..he is a young adult now, long past his high school days where the saint aided to keep him in line and me sane..now old enough to legally make his own decisions , well at least that is was the state thinks (I on the other hand have a slightly different opinion) .. yet he is still trapped in child like thinking that keeps him dependent upon his parents and contributes to the situation we find ourselves in.
I should also let you all know that the Maniacal Maven was taken down by TKO in the big boxing ring known as LIFE for a while there..turns out I have Lupus. You know when I got the diagnosis from the doctor I thought I can’t be sick (after several hours and days of asking myself ..wait did he just say what I think he said? OH MY GOD WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K? Senseless amounts of time was spent Thinking about the soap opera I used to watch on occasion which was the only thing on TV while I was nursing one of my children at 3 AM that had a character diagnosed with Lupus and she died from it in a rather dramatic fashion..then sobbing, and sobbing, and sobbing some more as I tried to figure out what this all meant) after I pulled my act together ..with some help I might add..I thought it can’t be Lupus because I am not sick..am I? Better yet House says it’s never Lupus …I hate to break it to myself ..it’s Lupus and it flipping sucks (turns out I have had symptoms and side effects for over 20 years..what started off on my road to the eventual diagnosis was a nasty set of circumstances that would take a month to write about) Lupus it turns out is an evil bigger badass villain than the Maven thought possible. Captain Happy in his ever loving and supportive role as a devoted son has told me on several occasions not only does he believe I am lucky to be alive because a dear relative who passed on looks out for me..but he can’t wait for this to kill me…he is such a love bug..I bet you wish he was yours..sorry kids he is all mine.
SO enough about my drama..then again one cannot be a super villain without just a little dramatic flare..let’s get to Captain Happy ..in a nut shell kids he is a F***ING MESS. There is help available but he needs to want it and accept it. At the moment he is content living in our house ..staying awake all night..pacing ..pacing and pacing some more in his bedroom ..playing computer and XBOX ONE games until the sun rises and all good vampires need to sleep before they explode on impact with light..he emerges from his cave long enough to throw some shade at me..ask for me to drive him somewhere for coffee or lunch ..complain about my existence or do his laundry ..usually in that order. He goes to bed around the time that I am waking up..he wakes up in time for dinner to be served and has no desire to get a job, get job training or any real help. The dynamic duo of the Maniacal Maven and Bummer Man even pulled a fast one and forced the Captain into filling out forms so that he could get services from our state’s department of mental health..he filled it all out and then told the social worker who called him regarding his application that he does not need their services and they were all too happy not to process the paperwork ..recently someone gave us a list of resources to help get a case manager for him but again …he has to agree …take a guess at the Captain’s stance? He NEEDS these services DESPERATELY
The problem is he has it good here..he is warm, he has a place to sleep, he is safe , he knows he is loved even though we are all over his BS and at the point of having ZERO F**KS to give .he knows there is food here and quite frankly the truth is …he is scared. I have a feeling he is lonely and bored as well ..his decline in social skills in the past couple of years could easily be remedied with group housing, socializing with peers, attending support groups, having a case manager, attending school for some training or just having a job..but he can’t get himself there and I can’t force anything upon him. He sees a therapist every 2 weeks because it is the only way he can the meds necessary to control his moods and behaviors and to be honest it is completely a waste of time and the therapist is pretty ineffective as well. He actually gets excited on the days he sees Monica because he sees his visits as an opportunity to go out and to get food at his favorite fast food joints (on his dime not mine..he gets SSDI) . Due to the nature of his issues he is incapable of doing the hard work necessary to make therapy effective..so what is a badass villain to do? Well let’s say I whip out my communication device that is effective at connecting with others who know how to get him in line..ok you caught me it is just an iPhone 7 but I am really good at making calls when I have the required number of bars on the phone..yeah switching providers was not as good of a move as I thought .. I think the people on the other end are sick of hearing from me..but hopefully there will be someone who gives me a break ..
There is a lot of guilt when you have a kid like Captain Happy..guilt that somehow you are at the root of his issues..guilt that there is nothing you can do to make it all go away and at least for me guilt that you are so flipping fried from the constant battles that you just need like 3 months of no communication preferably in a warm place that has sand, a beach , lots of great books to read and really good margaritas (and a source of shade because too much sun is really bad for those of us with Lupus) Truth be told I would freak after 3 days of not hearing from him because I would be worried sick ..but if only he were in a group home I would not worry quite so much.
The other day I was involved in a conversation on social media during the aftermath of the shooting in Las Vegas. Someone mentioned how we as a nation neglect those with deep mental health needs and offer no support to their families..I had an oh girl you don;t know the half of it moment..which led to me opening my big mouth via my fingers and talking about just a few of the challenges we have faced being parents of a son who is diagnosed as high functioning autistic as well as bipolar and a few other ailments found is the DSM. A contributor to the conversation said maybe I should share our story and it got me thinking that I have not contributed to this page in a very very long time..so while I don;t think tonight is the night I will delve into the story I shared in that conversation ..i will save that for another post ..I realize that maybe it is time to start sharing again with people the struggles , the roadblocks and the joys of parenting a challenging individual while navigating through life with other kids who are NT (neuro-typical) a spouse, a couple of dogs, dealing with an illness, bills and life and tell people that you don;t have to be perfect..you don’t have to even like what is happening with your kids and the effect it has on your life and the lives of all the members of your immediate family ..that it is OK and completely normal to think I hate this shit ..it is also OK to find the humor in all of this..I think I will quote the late great and utterly fabulous Carrie Fisher (who as you know also struggled with BiPolar) “If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true ..and that is unacceptable”
Until Next time kids …the Maven is out